Tusk and DVD releases

Last week was a phenomenal week for DVD releases. Season 2 of Hannibal. The first season of From Dusk Till Dawn: The Series. Season 2 of The Equalizer (with the late, great, Edward Woodward from the original Wicker Man). You should all imbibe. But one of the movies I bought right away was the Ford Brothers' The Dead 2. It's the sequel to the original Dead filmed in Africa, and these fledgling filmmakers went through the ringer to make their own zombie movie a few years back. Among other things, filming equipment being confiscated and then extorted by customs officials. The lead actor getting sick from malaria. Damn.

The Dead 2 is also a great horror flick from the Brothers Ford, and all those involved obviously worked very hard. I enjoyed it, but the story is a little linear and too Resident Evil for my liking this time around. Character finds a building, kills zombies, finds a mode of transportation. Wash, rinse, repeat. Good, but my final verdict is optional.

Then a friend told me about Kevin Smith's Tusk. "I feel I have a hard time recommending this movie to people," he told me. "But I need to. The more I dwelled on it, the more I found that I really enjoyed it."

And after seeing it, I feel very much the same way. The less I say about Tusk, the better. But I will say at the film's conclusion I was cosmically stupefied. Tusk has a lot of character dialogue, backstory, and academia through detective work. Tusk is "The Call of Cthulhu" of the horror movie world. A well-known actor makes an appearance as a police detective in what I call "The Inspector Legrasse Segment".

Tusk really isn't that graphic, just disturbing. Yep, it involves a poor sap that gets turned into a walrus through surgery by a backwoods psycho (Michael Parks, who is just as creepy as he was in Red State). But that's all I'm going to say.

In conclusion...

Hannibal Season 2: not optional.
From Dusk Till Dawn Season 1: not optional.
The Equalizer Season 2: not optional.
The Dead 2: optional.
Tusk: I just don't know, man. I just really don't know.

More Movie Odds and Ends

What movie viewing would be complete without the snacks? I mean, we all don't sit and watch movies just for the sake of watching movies, right? We've got to get our snacking on so years down the road, we run the risk of rotten teeth, obesity, Type II diabetes, and strokes. Or at least that's what some lady on Health Day told me. But forget her. What does she know? If I'm not going to live forever, why miss the Fountain of Youth by mere inches?

 

First off, CANDY CORN. 'Tis the season! I love candy corn. And a dear colleague, Joe Penna, told me that Brach's was making candy corn in Caramel Coffee flavors. Then he turned into an awesome human being when he let me try some from his own stash. Thanks Joe! Upon further investigation I found both that flavor and S'MORES flavored candy corn. In the picture, you'll observe that my fat ass has ate the bag already.

Also, try Wonka Randoms. Good gummy candies with random flavors and shapes. Cassette tapes! Roller skates! Pawprints! Random numbers and letters! I would advise against eating a whole bag on your own; share them with friends.

Secondly, there's some movies that you need to see immediately. First, Torment, which turns the slasher/home invasion horror genre on its head with some sick plot twists and decent scares. Plus, the heroine is played by none other than Katherine Isabelle, who was just in Season 2 of Hannibal and also happens to be a total hottie. For that reason alone you should all check it out.

 





Also, check out Primer. It's a low-budget science-fiction drama. The story is pretty simple: a group of engineers attempt to build an anti-gravity device, but accidentally construct a crude time machine instead. They make their small prototype into a human-sized working box, and that's when the many levels of craziness truly kick off. I haven't seen Carruth's other movie, Upstream Color, but Primer makes me want to all the more.

 

Also, if you're a fan of post-apocalyptic cinema, as I am, hunt down and find a book called World Gone Wild. It's basically the Encyclopedia Britannica of the post-apocalypse genre. Just found an entry on a movie I was looking for the other day!

 

All photos of stuff are taken on top of my Mahora University man-purse that's sitting on my bed, adorned with Lego minifig pins I made myself. Just in case you were wondering. And I don't care if you weren't. Also, my Nintendo 3DS just got approved by Melmac customs officers. Until next time, keep an eye on your neighborhood cats.

Hits From the Bargain Bin!

Last night watched the classic Leviathan from 1989. A sci-fi/horror classic with an ensemble cast. Peter Weller! Richard Crenna! Ernie Hudson! Daniel Stern! Basically, it's Alien underwater. It's pretty neat, though. SFX by the legendary Stan Winston. And Weller delivers one of the best one-liners EVER as he delivers the coup-de-grace to the film's aquatic monster. Check it out! Should you find it in a bargain bin, give it a happy home.

Same goes for Bad Moon, a little-known werewolf movie from 1996. Just three years prior, the little kid that was in this played the title character in Dennis the Menace. Want to see that youngster go toe-to-toe with his werewolf uncle in this Michael Pare CLASSIC? I thought you did. The whole thing is on YouTube. You're welcome, friends. You're all welcome.

In case you haven't noticed already, there's no Robin Williams retrospective here. His passing is sad and tragic, but others have paid him tribute a hell of a lot better than I ever could. Fellow movie buff Robert McCune among them. So I would rather take a pass and kind of leave readers and fellow movie fans hanging than go for it and insult the memory of the comedy icon. That's my thought.

On a lighter note, the new season of Doctor Who. Are people aware that the guy that's slated to direct the first new episode has done some really gritty horror flicks? Kill List is one of them. I saw it a few years back and it's decent, but not as great as the trailer implies it to be. I did let a co-worker and even bigger fan of The Doctor borrow it, though, and he was pretty shaken. So that's director Ben Wheatley for you, people.

Finally, I might start watching movies that feature a dystopian future or brutal dictatorships, after being moved by what I've seen from news in Ferguson. Protestors getting tear-gassed. Journalists deliberately targeted for arrest. Do you guys realize we're just small steps away from the Landmaster vehicles from Damnation Alley (around the same shape, just smaller and less wheels)?

It's a sad world we're living in at the moment.

Don't get me started on horror anthologies.

That's a very extensive post for another time. I LOVE horror anthologies. But I tell you what: go find a copy of Tales From the Crypt and The Vault of Horror, released on 20th Century Fox's Midnite Movies line as a double feature. It's a couple of bucks at your used movie store or online. Watch it. Then report back here at a later time.

Anyhow, right now I'm watching the 80's remake of The Blob. Great stuff. Over the top visual effects make this one a plus. Go on and watch it, and see if you're brave enough to go into a phone booth or unclog the drain on your kitchen sink ever again.

And speaking of disasters, hundreds of thousands of people in nearby Toledo don't have access to water. Something to do with toxins in the good old H2O. It's a huge mess. In typical movie buff fashion, I now have movies about lost amenities and the resulting civil unrest that takes place in my mind. Namely, 1996's The Trigger Effect. It's about what takes place after a massive blackout in Los Angeles. Like The Blob, it's a little over the top at some points. But I enjoy watching it. I greatly enjoy the part where the characters prepare themselves for a long trip to get to a relative's house, where they can find safety.

Do I still have this movie? If I still did, I'd have to look for it. It's one of the perils of being a massive movie buff with an extensive collection.

Also, if I was affected by a real-life disaster with no power or water, I think I would either excel and become King of the Wasteland or fail miserably and just be a skeleton.

You be the judge.

Blue Ruin (2014)

Haven't had time to muse lately, as the factory where I work has its ruthless talons embedded into all of the employees there, myself included. Which leaves me little precious hours.

But I HAVE had time to enjoy my favorite movie of the year, over and over and over again. Nope, it's not The Lego Movie (which is outstanding and my #2, by the way). My favorite movie of 2014 is an indie shocker called Blue Ruin, people. Blue Ruin. Recommended to me personally by the great Zodiac Motherfucker.

The story (around 90 minutes, which is the gold standard for movie run-times IMO) couldn't be any more simple. Dwight, a bum living in his car on the beach in Delaware, collects bottles and cans for chump change. He also busts into people's houses and trash to eke out a miserable existence. Dwight gets picked up by a friendly police officer, whereupon he learns that the man who murdered his parents years ago is about to be released from a Virginia prison as part of a plea deal.

At this point I've got to mention that Dwight (BRILLIANTLY played by newcomer Macon Blair) is a burned-out, traumatized, shell of a person at the beginning of the film. He wanders the beach, ill-fitting clothes he's scrounged on himself, like a wraith. A long-haired ghoul, almost. I've only seen one effective portrayal of the "shell of a person" motif in all the movies I've ever watched in my 30 years on this planet, and that was in a Japanese war movie called Fires on the Plain. Observe the similarity.

Anyway, once Dwight gets the news, he gets his beat-up junker running and is off like a wild animal out of his cage. He's mission-oriented and running completely on instinct, out for revenge against his parents' murderer, Wade Cleland. But as determined and industrious Dwight is, he has no financial resources as a derelict. Also, the people he intends to face are career killers and criminals. Dwight is not, and is way out of his league. He just doesn't have it in him.

When his efforts to acquire a firearm fail miserably, Dwight is forced to track down and kill his quarry with a knife in a seedy bar bathroom. In broad daylight. On the day Wade is released from prison. With the Cleland family waiting just outside the toilets.

Dwight does not expect to survive this encounter, and is astonished he has done so. "I thought he would kill me first," Dwight later tells his sister, when he painfully admits to her what he has done.

Not going to say much else to spoil Blue Ruin for you, but I will say what happens to Dwight afterwards perfectly defines the term COLLISION COURSE. Dwight is inept and horribly, woefully unprepared for what happens after he murders Wade Cleland. He is not the stoic, hardscrabble, taciturn characters in No Country For Old Men. Not by a fucking long shot. He's human. He's scared shitless. And as such, Dwight royally fucks up, very badly and very frequently.

Just go watch Blue Ruin, people. You won't be disappointed.

The Raid 2, and power-ups in which you should imbibe.

Last week I saw Captain America: The Winter Soldier, which I thought was pretty cool (I want to see more FALCON in the future, goddammit!). But it in no way held a torch in any way, shape, or form to the awesomeness that was The Raid 2: Berandal. The sequel to the 2012 slam-bang mile a minute action extravaganza does have a serious flaw, though, in the story that's a little too long and a little too ambitious for its own good.

The undercover cop infiltrating the big bad crime syndicate and starting to crack under the pressure. The mob boss' pompous, entitled son who feels he is heir to the throne and wants to be more than his dad's feckless errand boy. People getting smoked and buried in shallow ditches out in the middle of nowhere. Enough wiretaps to give Detective Lester Freamon a hard-on. It's the crime story we've seen before, in the likes of Casino, A Better Tomorrow, Scarface, The Wire, et. al..

Now, I'm not saying Gareth Evans and crew are dummies. Far from it, friends! Merantau was awesome. The Raid was awesome. Even the "Safe Haven" segment in V/H/S 2 kicked some serious ass. If you're a kick-ass writer, don't let Evans' talent go to waste; send your stories and treatments to Indonesia in his general direction immediately. I'm talking to you, Hollywood. That's all I'm saying.

But the martial arts and action sequences, when they happen after calms in the storm, truly shine. The third act, for example, kicks off with a high-speed chase and shootout where our hero Rama has to fight multiple opponents inside a speeding vehicle.

Pretty wild stuff. I hate so much to use the vernacular by conversing in "bro-speak", but there's no other way to put it: if you don't see The Raid 2, or if you haven't seen the first one, you're a whiny eunuch. A pussified punk-ass bitch. That is all.

While I'm on the subject of ultra-violence, if you're a Battle Royale fan you should pick up The Battle Royale Slambook. Lots of cool essays on Koushun Takami's novel, the subsequent manga, and Kinji Fukasaku's 2000 film. One essay comes from a writer that was one of the first people on the planet to read Takami's Battle Royale manuscript, back when it was a submission to a horror writing contest.

Another writer extrapolates what may have inspired Takami to write the dystopian novel in the first place, and writes a heavily detailed and informative essay about Japan's "Lost Decade" as a result. Check it out.

Also, grab Dark Souls II. And Chocolate Necco Wafers (Harlan Ellison is a huge fan of this candy, which fills me with pride). Who cares if I've worked in one of the dirtiest parts of my factory this week? I'm on a roll.

I think I watched "Aliens" too much as a kid.

Almost a year ago I'm at my local chain bookstore, ready to purchase the latest volume of Negima! and perusing through all (but few, sadly) splatterpunk novels that are in place within the horror section. I'm trying to decide if there's something here I want to buy too. Then out of the corner of my eye I see someone's wrist holding something shiny and metallic. My field of vision and sound is suddenly overwhelmed with both a bright green LED light and an electronic buzzing sound.

My first thought? Stun gun. Some years ago someone told me about how he fended off a derelict turned would-be robber that was armed with one. So I felt my swift reaction was at the time justified: I smacked the offending object out of my assailant's hand, then shoved him into the bookshelf, sending paperbacks cascading.

It was a scared-looking teenage kid, but even after deducing he was harmless, I was a little too pissed to care at that moment. Namely, I asked him what kind of shit he was trying to pull, and how he thought he got off on sticking foreign objects into other people's faces.

"It's the Doctor's sonic screwdriver," he half-shrieked. "I was just playing around! I'm sorry!"

I had no idea who The Doctor was. Or what kind of a twisted purpose a "sonic screwdriver" served. Because THAT was my first ever experience with the Doctor Who franchise, people. Some dumbass kid walking all over a Books-A-Million and jamming his 11th Doctor's Sonic Replica into other people's faces full blast.

I made the vague threat that his sonic whatever-it-is would become a sonic suppository if he kept up his sonic shenanigans. Then I left my potential purchases, the spilled books, and the shaken kid there, fuming and livid. What kind of a show was this Doctor Who anyway? Who did these people think they were? So I started to ask around.

It wasn't long before I got a mysterious response from someone I follow on Twitter: "No answers for you. Start with the 9th Doctor. Go!" So I obliged. Why not?

My verdict at first? I hated the first few episodes I saw. The Doctor's flippant and passive attitude in the face of mortal peril was one big goofy grey area for me. Plus he wanted to negotiate peace terms with other very violent sentient life-forms. What bullshit, I first thought.

There were aliens trying to KILL this other hero alien, for crying out loud, which in my book justifies what I call the Ripley Response. I watched Aliens maybe way too much as a kid. If an ugly-looking alien screws with someone in a movie, I think they have the God-given right to shoot it, flamethrower it, or blast it out of an airlock into oblivion. Yeah!

Then this episode came along called "The Long Game". I won't go into tiny details here, but basically The Doctor kicks this dude out of the TARDIS because the latter was trying to wrongfully exploit a cybernetic enhancement he had put into his brain for profit. GTFO of the TARDIS, Adam. Nice seeing you. It's been real. FINALLY, there was a tangible right and wrong that this character followed.

Then I got into the show. I'm by no means a die-hard fan, but I've enjoyed most of the episodes and I'm awaiting the new season too. I'll also venture so far as to say Doctor Who has made me a slightly better and more open-minded nerd where I wasn't before. Whenever I dust off Fallout 3 and play it again, for example, I try to help some of the NPCs instead of focusing on blasting Raiders with a Mini-Nuke for the umpteenth time.

But by no means am I buying a replica Sonic Screwdriver. Ever.

Two men enter, one man leaves.

One thing I always enjoy or look forward to in action or even horror/suspense films are fights that take place in very confined spaces. No bells, no whistles, no games - just two (or more) combatants that are very willing to beat, maim, and seriously hurt each other in very close quarters. Hats off to the casts and crews that pull this stuff off too. Making a movie has difficulties in itself, but making an action scene where camera, sound, and lighting equipment take up most of the space where a brawl occurs looks nigh impossible!

First off, elevators. You can't get more close-quarters than this, in my view. Just for the hell of it I re-watched 1996's Extreme Measures the other day. Not only did I get the idea from this blog post from the movie, but this one takes the cake for me regarding the elevator category. Towards the end of this medical suspense thriller Hugh Grant's character brawls with a crooked cop inside of a lift. Both men vie for the elevator controls. Both good cops and Gene Hackman's mad doctor await in the ground floor lobby. All the while there's enough elbowing, head-bashing, kicking, and even pistol-whipping to make you dizzy. The scene is very short, but feels a lot longer (thanks to Danny Elfman's great score). In this clip, the fight starts at 6:07.

Yes, Hugh Grant plays a character that actually kicks some ass. Who knew? You can also see some elevator combat in Die Hard With a Vengeance where according to Hollywood, people don't go deaf after shooting in a closed lift. Also, Merantau (yep, Gareth Evans would go on to make The Raid) has a great elevator fight towards the end. My dear friend Brad Fetrow also mentioned Drive, and I give that one a nod, but it's not so much of a fight as Ryan Gosling's character basically just Hulks out and stomps a dude's head in. Ouch.

Next, bathrooms. The place where people go to answer nature's call also happens to be the perfect place to settle scores in the world of movies. For me, the bar was set pretty damn high and has yet to be beat with the bathroom brawl that takes place in 1979's The Warriors. Two gangs wreck a bathroom, and it's pretty awesome. Bats and chains swing, knives slice, porcelain toiletries are shattered, and mirrors and stalls crash into bits. Even the girl gets involved when she bites a dude!

Other bathroom fights that are good? Well in my book you've got the beginning of Casino Royale (great opening titles from that one, also mentioned by Fetrow), The Man from Nowhere, the hotel bathroom brawl in True Romance, and Rob Zombie's Halloween remake, where Ken Foree basically gets smashed into a steel stall partition, then stabbed. Damn.

Then there's fights that take place in close quarters all over the goddamn place. The kitchen fight in You're Next, where household cutleries are taken to people's heads. Also a dude has the kitchen door kicked into his face. Yeah! There's the train car brawl between Connery's Bond and Robert Shaw in From Russia with Love, which is an iconic gem. Never seen it? I feel sorry for you.

But probably the craziest close-quarters fight I've seen in a movie in recent memory goes to the South Korean horror-action romp I Saw the Devil, which features a three-way fight to the death in a moving car that's going very fast. It doesn't end well.

The movies 2LDK and Aragami were also mentioned to me. Both apparently have fights in close quarters, but I have yet to see them. When I check these movies out, or see any other ones featuring a fight in a tight spot, I might make amendments through future posts.

"Robocop", the Hero's Path, and horror movies I had actually never seen.

Finally got around to seeing the "Robocop" remake this weekend, and it's not bad. I just have a problem with the story. Those who read a lot of mythology know the basic premise of "the hero's path", the trajectory of the protagonist from humble beginnings to lauded hero. Well, in ancient myth, I say "trajectory" because traditionally the Hero's Path is a one-way trip. There's no going back, especially when the final step of the journey involves sacrifice (usually the ultimate sacrifice) after the whole trial by fire thing.

The Robocop remake plays it too safe, in my opinion, and makes the hero's journey into a revolving door. It's not like the original (and also touched upon in "Robocop 2") where there's no going back for Alex Murphy after he (albeit unwillingly) crosses the threshold and becomes Robocop. There's no going back to a white-picket fence, McMansion, and suburban family after a calamity like that, people.

Again, the "Robocop" remake isn't bad. It's worth watching. But making the hero's quest more safe story-wise worked better with "The Lego Movie", which I enjoyed a whole lot more.

Also, believe it or not, as a horror fan I had never seen "The Collector" and its sequel, "The Collection". I have a movie that's similar to "The Collector", which came out back in 2006, called "Gag". Basically, same premise - a burglar breaks into what he thinks is an empty house, but finds a killer has taken the family hostage.

My verdict? "The Collector" is a modern day classic (light years better than "Gag", that's for sure), and "The Collection" is also surprisingly great. The sequel also has some cool cast members. Andre Royo (Bubbles!)! Lee Tergesen! Check both movies out.

Weekend Movies

This weekend, I checked out "The Lego Movie". It's not quite what I was expecting, but it was great nonetheless.

The story is pretty simple: a Lego Construction minifigure, Emmet, spends a (painfully) average but happy life in the city of Bricksburg. While juggling his construction job, he follows the everyday rules that make everyone else there joyful, but complacent. Park between the lines! Watch reality TV with friends! Always use your turn signals! Always return a compliment! Buy expensive coffee on the way to work!

The adventure kicks off for Emmet, though, when he's captured by the evil President Business (Will Ferrell, enjoyable as always) and his right-hand man, Good Cop/Bad Cop (Liam Neeson: good, but kind of weird seeing him in an animated feature). See, Emmet finds the "Piece of Resistance", a strange-looking block that is supposed to end President Business' reign as an evil Donald Trump-like figure and restore unrestricted creativity to the Lego World. Then Act One kicks off into overdrive, like a kid that's chugged a bottle of Mountain Dew and has found your candy dish.

Oh yeah, the start of The Lego Movie is hyper as hell. Act One is super fast-paced, designed to draw the younger audiences in and keep their attention. My head almost was almost spinning at one point, although it slows down much later for all other age groups to enjoy. The story, which switches to the real world briefly, teaches all of us to be creative and believe in ourselves. Touching and poignant, not bad for an animated feature.

Other cool things happen in The Lego Movie too, including other characters that join the fray and help Emmet on his quest. Batman, Superman, and even some basketball stars join up, and (albeit very briefly) a certain other Lego franchise I won't mention here shows up in a cameo. Neat.

My favorite character, though, is Benny, a beat-up, scruffy spaceman minifigure that you would find in an older sibling's closet or shoebox. A little man out of his time, Benny is OBSESSED with Lego's 80's and 90's spaceship sets, and is always attempting to build one of his own. At the end of the movie, by God, he does. And the results are chaotically fun.

Also, it snowed like hell on Sunday, and so I spent the day indoors watching "Aliens" (still awesome after all these years) and "The Master". The latter, at least to me for some reason, is unbelievably hilarious on a "Mommie Dearest" level. So much outlandish stuff happens, including a scene where Phoenix and the late Hoffman play a game called "Pick a Point" on a motorcycle.

You should check all these movies out. Stay warm until next time.

So last night I had this messed up dream.

It was probably due to watching this movie last night before I went to bed. Specifically this part below. That and "Westworld".

Thanks, David Cronenberg!

Watch out for lethal viruses, and caveat emptor.

If you can, watch a post-apocalyptic horror film called "Carriers". I got it when it first came out in I think 2009 but I hadn't watched it in a while. Two couples travel across the country to find somewhere safe to hide after a virus wipes out most of the population of the United States. A pretty solid cast (including Lou Taylor Pucci, whose character was the dude that got stabbed in the eye in the "Evil Dead" remake). Chris Pine swings for the fences as the sardonic older brother that resents his younger sibling while fighting to stay alive in a virus-ravaged world.

But it's Christopher Meloni that knocks it out of the park as a frantic dad trying to get his infected daughter to a makeshift clinic where he hears there's a serum that can cure the disease. Years ago Stephen King wrote a short review of "Carriers" and sang high praises of Meloni's performance, and I wholeheartedly agree with the author. That review is what make me watch "Carriers" in the first place, for sure.

"Carriers" is pretty intense for a PG-13 fare though, so kind of prepare yourselves. At one point the little group of survivors come across a doctor that's preparing a special batch of Kool-Aid, Jonestown-style, for the slew of his sick patients that are beyond hope. I warned you all this was a post-apocalyptic horror film, didn't I?

Also, in real-world movie tips, be wary if you buy a used movie from anywhere. Just had an experience with my used copy of "A Horrible Way to Die" that make my insides tighten and started to turn my bowels into ice cubes. 

Before you pay for a used movie at the store, ask to look at the disc(s) first. Make sure it's not all scratched up and beat to shit. Also, some used movies are copies that people buy from Family Video or other rental places. These store copies have a circular sticker in the middle of the disc. The used movie shops peel these stickers off, but the adhesive is still suck to the DVD, which can play hell on your player if you're not careful. In this case just take a small dab of Goo Gone and gently wipe that stuff off, then take a buff cloth to both sides of the disc when you're done. Should be as good as new.

If you're a local Northeast Ohio reader, The Exchange is pretty diligent about taking care of their stock. I've been going there for years, and they'll cooperate with any reasonable requests you have.

Cheers, and stay safe out there. Don't get burned by a killer virus, or damaged DVDs for that matter.

Just going over some points here.

No writings on any specific movies at the moment. I'm kind of not in the mood right now. Shit's going on, but I feel the need to get some film-related things off of my chest. Most of these points were spawned by a dinner conversation that went horribly awry. Much like "You're Next", but without getting shot at by crossbows afterwards (looking back, this would have been a blessing).

FIRST, Star Wars and George Lucas. Sorry to all my friends, but I'm not a fan of either. All those years ago I was tired and fatigued of Lucas going back and digitally adding things into the Star Wars franchise's first trilogy. "But it wasn't the movie I wanted to make," he said.

What a cop-out. Even THX-1138 had to be digitally redone before it got a wide release on DVD. What a pain in the ass. And the latter is a good movie too. Shame. George Lucas, you made the movies. They're your babies and they're loved by millions. Have the courage to embrace them for what they are. Or were, for that matter. And as for the digital editing, STOP ASSUMING I DON'T HAVE AN IMAGINATION. It's INSULTING. The story alone is engaging, and I don't need robots and mutants everywhere to add to it.

Besides, the basic plotline for Episode 4 is pretty much a sci-fi take of Kurosawa's "The Hidden Fortress" anyway. Plus the final battle at the Death Star is the same from the World War II dogfight movie "Dambusters". Your favorite space opera is a remake, sci-fi fans. Saddle up and handle that.

Secondly, this writer named Amy Nicholson wrote a pretty scathing review of the new Mark Wahlberg movie, "Lone Survivor". Glenn Beck freaked out, and this woman's Twitter timeline and at-comments are now filled to the brim with the most vile, hateful, and disgusting 140 characters from his acolytes. Fucked up. Don't believe me? Just search @TheAmyNicholson on Twitter. More vitriol added by the minute. Not joking.

Does Nicholson's review take a condescending tone at some points? In my opinion, sure. But Jesus Christ, the woman has an opinion on a DOCUDRAMA. And she acknowledges the real-life heroism of the Navy SEALs and the tragedy of what happened to that SEAL team. So she's entitled to an informed opinion on a MOVIE it's based on. She shouldn't be threatened or harassed for expressing said opinion. It was bad enough when I told my high school classmates I didn't care for "Black Hawk Down" back in the early 2000's.

Back to my first point. I have an acquaintance, John, who is a die-hard, hardcore, Star Wars fan. But I would NEVER threaten the guy. Or call him un-American. Or threaten to have him deported or shot. As a matter of fact, we hung out at a party with a bunch of others on New Year's and had a good time playing board games and Cards Against Humanity all night. It was nice. You know why? Because I'm not a PSYCHO if someone else has a different opinion or in Nicholson's case calls "Lone Survivor" jingoist propaganda.

Different strokes for different folks, motherfuckers. Get a grip.

Finally, Oscar nominations. In a fair and just world James Franco would be nominated for Best Supporting Actor in "Spring Breakers". And Wendy Glenn for Best Supporting Actress in "You're Next", for the classic line, "I want to fuck on this bed next to your dead mom."

You're doing it all wrong, Oscars. You're doing it all wrong.

The Internet Archive and my PS3

I'm going to wait on the PS4. First, I don't think a lot of great games are out for it yet. Secondly, and most importantly, I've got a ton of movies on my PS3 HDD that I enjoy. I can't get rid of the system just yet. Thanks to the Internet Archive (Disclaimer: it's just a website I enjoy and this blog post is not an official endorsement), I've turned my PS3 into a portable nostalgic box office.

Your local Best Buy or movie store too expensive? Hell, just go to the Archive and download a bunch of classic movies that have fallen into the public domain. If you've got a New Year's resolution to save some cash, this is a good start. You don't have to be rich to enjoy classic films. As my grandmother says, "I can squeeze a nickel 'till the buffalo shits."

First, you've got your obvious movies like "Night of the Living Dead", "Nosferatu", and "Carnival of Souls" if horror is your game. Then there's some lesser-known classics, some of which I've enjoyed recently. One of these movies is the British wartime spy/drama/comedy "Cottage to Let".

So this wartime evacuee from London, a cocky teenage kid, gets sent away and dumped off at a Scottish estate run by a socialite and her mad scientist husband (Leslie Banks from "The Most Dangerous Game", free to download at the Archive too!). The kid is bored and despondent, but not for long. The guest cottage is turned into a military hospital which takes in a crashed Spitfire pilot. Another boarder takes over one of the rooms, and it's obvious he's not who he says he is.

It also turns out that the scientist is developing a bombsight for the Allies, and the plot takes off when German spies pull off a snatch and grab in the third act, taking both him and the prototype sight. It's pretty good, there's some great comic relief, romance, and action sequences too, which is surprising for a black and white movie.

Then on the Archive there's some movies that are either unique but not great, or are just so bad they're good. In the former you have
"Things to Come", the movie based on the story by H.G. Wells. It's not great, just unique, and there's some post-apocalyptic and science fiction action at some point. In the latter you've got "The Incredible Petrified World", a cheese-fest of a movie that I think was featured on MST3K. These hapless divers go into this giant diving bell and then explore underground caverns. Basically, it's a low-tech movie version of Minecraft.

OH! And I almost forgot to mention this. If you're going to download some movies and make a playlist, you can't go wrong with downloading some drive-in theater intermissions or other stuff to use as filler. The Archive even has Duck and Cover! Yes, the movie that was shown to all of the kids during the height of the Cold War, basically telling them that their school desks, a newspaper, and even a picnic blanket would protect them all from a nuclear bomb blast.

Aaaah, nostalgia. It's the start of a new year, but any time is a good time to enjoy free classic black and white movies, pop open a Coca-Cola, and FIGHT COMMUNISM!