Last week was a phenomenal week for DVD releases. Season 2 of Hannibal. The first season of From Dusk Till Dawn: The Series. Season 2 of The Equalizer (with the late, great, Edward Woodward from the original Wicker Man). You should all imbibe. But one of the movies I bought right away was the Ford Brothers' The Dead 2. It's the sequel to the original Dead filmed in Africa, and these fledgling filmmakers went through the ringer to make their own zombie movie a few years back. Among other things, filming equipment being confiscated and then extorted by customs officials. The lead actor getting sick from malaria. Damn.
The Dead 2 is also a great horror flick from the Brothers Ford, and all those involved obviously worked very hard. I enjoyed it, but the story is a little linear and too Resident Evil for my liking this time around. Character finds a building, kills zombies, finds a mode of transportation. Wash, rinse, repeat. Good, but my final verdict is optional.
Then a friend told me about Kevin Smith's Tusk. "I feel I have a hard time recommending this movie to people," he told me. "But I need to. The more I dwelled on it, the more I found that I really enjoyed it."
And after seeing it, I feel very much the same way. The less I say about Tusk, the better. But I will say at the film's conclusion I was cosmically stupefied. Tusk has a lot of character dialogue, backstory, and academia through detective work. Tusk is "The Call of Cthulhu" of the horror movie world. A well-known actor makes an appearance as a police detective in what I call "The Inspector Legrasse Segment".
Tusk really isn't that graphic, just disturbing. Yep, it involves a poor sap that gets turned into a walrus through surgery by a backwoods psycho (Michael Parks, who is just as creepy as he was in Red State). But that's all I'm going to say.
In conclusion...
Hannibal Season 2: not optional.
From Dusk Till Dawn Season 1: not optional.
The Equalizer Season 2: not optional.
The Dead 2: optional.
Tusk: I just don't know, man. I just really don't know.
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Sunday, September 7, 2014
More Movie Odds and Ends
What movie viewing would be complete without the snacks? I mean, we all don't sit and watch movies just for the sake of watching movies, right? We've got to get our snacking on so years down the road, we run the risk of rotten teeth, obesity, Type II diabetes, and strokes. Or at least that's what some lady on Health Day told me. But forget her. What does she know? If I'm not going to live forever, why miss the Fountain of Youth by mere inches?
First off, CANDY CORN. 'Tis the season! I love candy corn. And a dear colleague, Joe Penna, told me that Brach's was making candy corn in Caramel Coffee flavors. Then he turned into an awesome human being when he let me try some from his own stash. Thanks Joe! Upon further investigation I found both that flavor and S'MORES flavored candy corn. In the picture, you'll observe that my fat ass has ate the bag already.
Also, try Wonka Randoms. Good gummy candies with random flavors and shapes. Cassette tapes! Roller skates! Pawprints! Random numbers and letters! I would advise against eating a whole bag on your own; share them with friends.
Secondly, there's some movies that you need to see immediately. First, Torment, which turns the slasher/home invasion horror genre on its head with some sick plot twists and decent scares. Plus, the heroine is played by none other than Katherine Isabelle, who was just in Season 2 of Hannibal and also happens to be a total hottie. For that reason alone you should all check it out.
Also, if you're a fan of post-apocalyptic cinema, as I am, hunt down and find a book called World Gone Wild. It's basically the Encyclopedia Britannica of the post-apocalypse genre. Just found an entry on a movie I was looking for the other day!
All photos of stuff are taken on top of my Mahora University man-purse that's sitting on my bed, adorned with Lego minifig pins I made myself. Just in case you were wondering. And I don't care if you weren't. Also, my Nintendo 3DS just got approved by Melmac customs officers. Until next time, keep an eye on your neighborhood cats.
Also, try Wonka Randoms. Good gummy candies with random flavors and shapes. Cassette tapes! Roller skates! Pawprints! Random numbers and letters! I would advise against eating a whole bag on your own; share them with friends.
Secondly, there's some movies that you need to see immediately. First, Torment, which turns the slasher/home invasion horror genre on its head with some sick plot twists and decent scares. Plus, the heroine is played by none other than Katherine Isabelle, who was just in Season 2 of Hannibal and also happens to be a total hottie. For that reason alone you should all check it out.
Also, check out Primer. It's a low-budget science-fiction drama. The story is pretty simple: a group of engineers attempt to build an anti-gravity device, but accidentally construct a crude time machine instead. They make their small prototype into a human-sized working box, and that's when the many levels of craziness truly kick off. I haven't seen Carruth's other movie, Upstream Color, but Primer makes me want to all the more.Thursday, August 21, 2014
Hits From the Bargain Bin!
Last night watched the classic Leviathan from 1989. A sci-fi/horror classic with an ensemble cast. Peter Weller! Richard Crenna! Ernie Hudson! Daniel Stern! Basically, it's Alien underwater. It's pretty neat, though. SFX by the legendary Stan Winston. And Weller delivers one of the best one-liners EVER as he delivers the coup-de-grace to the film's aquatic monster. Check it out! Should you find it in a bargain bin, give it a happy home.
Same goes for Bad Moon, a little-known werewolf movie from 1996. Just three years prior, the little kid that was in this played the title character in Dennis the Menace. Want to see that youngster go toe-to-toe with his werewolf uncle in this Michael Pare CLASSIC? I thought you did. The whole thing is on YouTube. You're welcome, friends. You're all welcome.
In case you haven't noticed already, there's no Robin Williams retrospective here. His passing is sad and tragic, but others have paid him tribute a hell of a lot better than I ever could. Fellow movie buff Robert McCune among them. So I would rather take a pass and kind of leave readers and fellow movie fans hanging than go for it and insult the memory of the comedy icon. That's my thought.
On a lighter note, the new season of Doctor Who. Are people aware that the guy that's slated to direct the first new episode has done some really gritty horror flicks? Kill List is one of them. I saw it a few years back and it's decent, but not as great as the trailer implies it to be. I did let a co-worker and even bigger fan of The Doctor borrow it, though, and he was pretty shaken. So that's director Ben Wheatley for you, people.
Finally, I might start watching movies that feature a dystopian future or brutal dictatorships, after being moved by what I've seen from news in Ferguson. Protestors getting tear-gassed. Journalists deliberately targeted for arrest. Do you guys realize we're just small steps away from the Landmaster vehicles from Damnation Alley (around the same shape, just smaller and less wheels)?
It's a sad world we're living in at the moment.
Same goes for Bad Moon, a little-known werewolf movie from 1996. Just three years prior, the little kid that was in this played the title character in Dennis the Menace. Want to see that youngster go toe-to-toe with his werewolf uncle in this Michael Pare CLASSIC? I thought you did. The whole thing is on YouTube. You're welcome, friends. You're all welcome.
In case you haven't noticed already, there's no Robin Williams retrospective here. His passing is sad and tragic, but others have paid him tribute a hell of a lot better than I ever could. Fellow movie buff Robert McCune among them. So I would rather take a pass and kind of leave readers and fellow movie fans hanging than go for it and insult the memory of the comedy icon. That's my thought.
On a lighter note, the new season of Doctor Who. Are people aware that the guy that's slated to direct the first new episode has done some really gritty horror flicks? Kill List is one of them. I saw it a few years back and it's decent, but not as great as the trailer implies it to be. I did let a co-worker and even bigger fan of The Doctor borrow it, though, and he was pretty shaken. So that's director Ben Wheatley for you, people.
Finally, I might start watching movies that feature a dystopian future or brutal dictatorships, after being moved by what I've seen from news in Ferguson. Protestors getting tear-gassed. Journalists deliberately targeted for arrest. Do you guys realize we're just small steps away from the Landmaster vehicles from Damnation Alley (around the same shape, just smaller and less wheels)?
It's a sad world we're living in at the moment.
Sunday, August 3, 2014
Don't get me started on horror anthologies.
That's a very extensive post for another time. I LOVE horror anthologies. But I tell you what: go find a copy of Tales From the Crypt and The Vault of Horror, released on 20th Century Fox's Midnite Movies line as a double feature. It's a couple of bucks at your used movie store or online. Watch it. Then report back here at a later time.
Anyhow, right now I'm watching the 80's remake of The Blob. Great stuff. Over the top visual effects make this one a plus. Go on and watch it, and see if you're brave enough to go into a phone booth or unclog the drain on your kitchen sink ever again.
And speaking of disasters, hundreds of thousands of people in nearby Toledo don't have access to water. Something to do with toxins in the good old H2O. It's a huge mess. In typical movie buff fashion, I now have movies about lost amenities and the resulting civil unrest that takes place in my mind. Namely, 1996's The Trigger Effect. It's about what takes place after a massive blackout in Los Angeles. Like The Blob, it's a little over the top at some points. But I enjoy watching it. I greatly enjoy the part where the characters prepare themselves for a long trip to get to a relative's house, where they can find safety.
Do I still have this movie? If I still did, I'd have to look for it. It's one of the perils of being a massive movie buff with an extensive collection.
Also, if I was affected by a real-life disaster with no power or water, I think I would either excel and become King of the Wasteland or fail miserably and just be a skeleton.
You be the judge.
Anyhow, right now I'm watching the 80's remake of The Blob. Great stuff. Over the top visual effects make this one a plus. Go on and watch it, and see if you're brave enough to go into a phone booth or unclog the drain on your kitchen sink ever again.
And speaking of disasters, hundreds of thousands of people in nearby Toledo don't have access to water. Something to do with toxins in the good old H2O. It's a huge mess. In typical movie buff fashion, I now have movies about lost amenities and the resulting civil unrest that takes place in my mind. Namely, 1996's The Trigger Effect. It's about what takes place after a massive blackout in Los Angeles. Like The Blob, it's a little over the top at some points. But I enjoy watching it. I greatly enjoy the part where the characters prepare themselves for a long trip to get to a relative's house, where they can find safety.
Do I still have this movie? If I still did, I'd have to look for it. It's one of the perils of being a massive movie buff with an extensive collection.
Also, if I was affected by a real-life disaster with no power or water, I think I would either excel and become King of the Wasteland or fail miserably and just be a skeleton.
You be the judge.
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Blue Ruin (2014)
Haven't had time to muse lately, as the factory where I work has its ruthless talons embedded into all of the employees there, myself included. Which leaves me little precious hours.
But I HAVE had time to enjoy my favorite movie of the year, over and over and over again. Nope, it's not The Lego Movie (which is outstanding and my #2, by the way). My favorite movie of 2014 is an indie shocker called Blue Ruin, people. Blue Ruin. Recommended to me personally by the great Zodiac Motherfucker.
The story (around 90 minutes, which is the gold standard for movie run-times IMO) couldn't be any more simple. Dwight, a bum living in his car on the beach in Delaware, collects bottles and cans for chump change. He also busts into people's houses and trash to eke out a miserable existence. Dwight gets picked up by a friendly police officer, whereupon he learns that the man who murdered his parents years ago is about to be released from a Virginia prison as part of a plea deal.
At this point I've got to mention that Dwight (BRILLIANTLY played by newcomer Macon Blair) is a burned-out, traumatized, shell of a person at the beginning of the film. He wanders the beach, ill-fitting clothes he's scrounged on himself, like a wraith. A long-haired ghoul, almost. I've only seen one effective portrayal of the "shell of a person" motif in all the movies I've ever watched in my 30 years on this planet, and that was in a Japanese war movie called Fires on the Plain. Observe the similarity.
Anyway, once Dwight gets the news, he gets his beat-up junker running and is off like a wild animal out of his cage. He's mission-oriented and running completely on instinct, out for revenge against his parents' murderer, Wade Cleland. But as determined and industrious Dwight is, he has no financial resources as a derelict. Also, the people he intends to face are career killers and criminals. Dwight is not, and is way out of his league. He just doesn't have it in him.
When his efforts to acquire a firearm fail miserably, Dwight is forced to track down and kill his quarry with a knife in a seedy bar bathroom. In broad daylight. On the day Wade is released from prison. With the Cleland family waiting just outside the toilets.
Dwight does not expect to survive this encounter, and is astonished he has done so. "I thought he would kill me first," Dwight later tells his sister, when he painfully admits to her what he has done.
Not going to say much else to spoil Blue Ruin for you, but I will say what happens to Dwight afterwards perfectly defines the term COLLISION COURSE. Dwight is inept and horribly, woefully unprepared for what happens after he murders Wade Cleland. He is not the stoic, hardscrabble, taciturn characters in No Country For Old Men. Not by a fucking long shot. He's human. He's scared shitless. And as such, Dwight royally fucks up, very badly and very frequently.
Just go watch Blue Ruin, people. You won't be disappointed.
But I HAVE had time to enjoy my favorite movie of the year, over and over and over again. Nope, it's not The Lego Movie (which is outstanding and my #2, by the way). My favorite movie of 2014 is an indie shocker called Blue Ruin, people. Blue Ruin. Recommended to me personally by the great Zodiac Motherfucker.
The story (around 90 minutes, which is the gold standard for movie run-times IMO) couldn't be any more simple. Dwight, a bum living in his car on the beach in Delaware, collects bottles and cans for chump change. He also busts into people's houses and trash to eke out a miserable existence. Dwight gets picked up by a friendly police officer, whereupon he learns that the man who murdered his parents years ago is about to be released from a Virginia prison as part of a plea deal.
At this point I've got to mention that Dwight (BRILLIANTLY played by newcomer Macon Blair) is a burned-out, traumatized, shell of a person at the beginning of the film. He wanders the beach, ill-fitting clothes he's scrounged on himself, like a wraith. A long-haired ghoul, almost. I've only seen one effective portrayal of the "shell of a person" motif in all the movies I've ever watched in my 30 years on this planet, and that was in a Japanese war movie called Fires on the Plain. Observe the similarity.
Anyway, once Dwight gets the news, he gets his beat-up junker running and is off like a wild animal out of his cage. He's mission-oriented and running completely on instinct, out for revenge against his parents' murderer, Wade Cleland. But as determined and industrious Dwight is, he has no financial resources as a derelict. Also, the people he intends to face are career killers and criminals. Dwight is not, and is way out of his league. He just doesn't have it in him.
When his efforts to acquire a firearm fail miserably, Dwight is forced to track down and kill his quarry with a knife in a seedy bar bathroom. In broad daylight. On the day Wade is released from prison. With the Cleland family waiting just outside the toilets.
Dwight does not expect to survive this encounter, and is astonished he has done so. "I thought he would kill me first," Dwight later tells his sister, when he painfully admits to her what he has done.
Not going to say much else to spoil Blue Ruin for you, but I will say what happens to Dwight afterwards perfectly defines the term COLLISION COURSE. Dwight is inept and horribly, woefully unprepared for what happens after he murders Wade Cleland. He is not the stoic, hardscrabble, taciturn characters in No Country For Old Men. Not by a fucking long shot. He's human. He's scared shitless. And as such, Dwight royally fucks up, very badly and very frequently.
Just go watch Blue Ruin, people. You won't be disappointed.
Saturday, April 19, 2014
The Raid 2, and power-ups in which you should imbibe.
Last week I saw Captain America: The Winter Soldier, which I thought was pretty cool (I want to see more FALCON in the future, goddammit!). But it in no way held a torch in any way, shape, or form to the awesomeness that was The Raid 2: Berandal. The sequel to the 2012 slam-bang mile a minute action extravaganza does have a serious flaw, though, in the story that's a little too long and a little too ambitious for its own good.
The undercover cop infiltrating the big bad crime syndicate and starting to crack under the pressure. The mob boss' pompous, entitled son who feels he is heir to the throne and wants to be more than his dad's feckless errand boy. People getting smoked and buried in shallow ditches out in the middle of nowhere. Enough wiretaps to give Detective Lester Freamon a hard-on. It's the crime story we've seen before, in the likes of Casino, A Better Tomorrow, Scarface, The Wire, et. al..
Now, I'm not saying Gareth Evans and crew are dummies. Far from it, friends! Merantau was awesome. The Raid was awesome. Even the "Safe Haven" segment in V/H/S 2 kicked some serious ass. If you're a kick-ass writer, don't let Evans' talent go to waste; send your stories and treatments to Indonesia in his general direction immediately. I'm talking to you, Hollywood. That's all I'm saying.
But the martial arts and action sequences, when they happen after calms in the storm, truly shine. The third act, for example, kicks off with a high-speed chase and shootout where our hero Rama has to fight multiple opponents inside a speeding vehicle.
Pretty wild stuff. I hate so much to use the vernacular by conversing in "bro-speak", but there's no other way to put it: if you don't see The Raid 2, or if you haven't seen the first one, you're a whiny eunuch. A pussified punk-ass bitch. That is all.
While I'm on the subject of ultra-violence, if you're a Battle Royale fan you should pick up The Battle Royale Slambook. Lots of cool essays on Koushun Takami's novel, the subsequent manga, and Kinji Fukasaku's 2000 film. One essay comes from a writer that was one of the first people on the planet to read Takami's Battle Royale manuscript, back when it was a submission to a horror writing contest.
Another writer extrapolates what may have inspired Takami to write the dystopian novel in the first place, and writes a heavily detailed and informative essay about Japan's "Lost Decade" as a result. Check it out.
Also, grab Dark Souls II. And Chocolate Necco Wafers (Harlan Ellison is a huge fan of this candy, which fills me with pride). Who cares if I've worked in one of the dirtiest parts of my factory this week? I'm on a roll.
The undercover cop infiltrating the big bad crime syndicate and starting to crack under the pressure. The mob boss' pompous, entitled son who feels he is heir to the throne and wants to be more than his dad's feckless errand boy. People getting smoked and buried in shallow ditches out in the middle of nowhere. Enough wiretaps to give Detective Lester Freamon a hard-on. It's the crime story we've seen before, in the likes of Casino, A Better Tomorrow, Scarface, The Wire, et. al..
Now, I'm not saying Gareth Evans and crew are dummies. Far from it, friends! Merantau was awesome. The Raid was awesome. Even the "Safe Haven" segment in V/H/S 2 kicked some serious ass. If you're a kick-ass writer, don't let Evans' talent go to waste; send your stories and treatments to Indonesia in his general direction immediately. I'm talking to you, Hollywood. That's all I'm saying.
But the martial arts and action sequences, when they happen after calms in the storm, truly shine. The third act, for example, kicks off with a high-speed chase and shootout where our hero Rama has to fight multiple opponents inside a speeding vehicle.
Pretty wild stuff. I hate so much to use the vernacular by conversing in "bro-speak", but there's no other way to put it: if you don't see The Raid 2, or if you haven't seen the first one, you're a whiny eunuch. A pussified punk-ass bitch. That is all.
While I'm on the subject of ultra-violence, if you're a Battle Royale fan you should pick up The Battle Royale Slambook. Lots of cool essays on Koushun Takami's novel, the subsequent manga, and Kinji Fukasaku's 2000 film. One essay comes from a writer that was one of the first people on the planet to read Takami's Battle Royale manuscript, back when it was a submission to a horror writing contest.
Another writer extrapolates what may have inspired Takami to write the dystopian novel in the first place, and writes a heavily detailed and informative essay about Japan's "Lost Decade" as a result. Check it out.
Also, grab Dark Souls II. And Chocolate Necco Wafers (Harlan Ellison is a huge fan of this candy, which fills me with pride). Who cares if I've worked in one of the dirtiest parts of my factory this week? I'm on a roll.
Thursday, April 3, 2014
I think I watched "Aliens" too much as a kid.
Almost a year ago I'm at my local chain bookstore, ready to purchase the latest volume of Negima! and perusing through all (but few, sadly) splatterpunk novels that are in place within the horror section. I'm trying to decide if there's something here I want to buy too. Then out of the corner of my eye I see someone's wrist holding something shiny and metallic. My field of vision and sound is suddenly overwhelmed with both a bright green LED light and an electronic buzzing sound.
My first thought? Stun gun. Some years ago someone told me about how he fended off a derelict turned would-be robber that was armed with one. So I felt my swift reaction was at the time justified: I smacked the offending object out of my assailant's hand, then shoved him into the bookshelf, sending paperbacks cascading.
It was a scared-looking teenage kid, but even after deducing he was harmless, I was a little too pissed to care at that moment. Namely, I asked him what kind of shit he was trying to pull, and how he thought he got off on sticking foreign objects into other people's faces.
"It's the Doctor's sonic screwdriver," he half-shrieked. "I was just playing around! I'm sorry!"
I had no idea who The Doctor was. Or what kind of a twisted purpose a "sonic screwdriver" served. Because THAT was my first ever experience with the Doctor Who franchise, people. Some dumbass kid walking all over a Books-A-Million and jamming his 11th Doctor's Sonic Replica into other people's faces full blast.
I made the vague threat that his sonic whatever-it-is would become a sonic suppository if he kept up his sonic shenanigans. Then I left my potential purchases, the spilled books, and the shaken kid there, fuming and livid. What kind of a show was this Doctor Who anyway? Who did these people think they were? So I started to ask around.
It wasn't long before I got a mysterious response from someone I follow on Twitter: "No answers for you. Start with the 9th Doctor. Go!" So I obliged. Why not?
My verdict at first? I hated the first few episodes I saw. The Doctor's flippant and passive attitude in the face of mortal peril was one big goofy grey area for me. Plus he wanted to negotiate peace terms with other very violent sentient life-forms. What bullshit, I first thought.
There were aliens trying to KILL this other hero alien, for crying out loud, which in my book justifies what I call the Ripley Response. I watched Aliens maybe way too much as a kid. If an ugly-looking alien screws with someone in a movie, I think they have the God-given right to shoot it, flamethrower it, or blast it out of an airlock into oblivion. Yeah!
Then this episode came along called "The Long Game". I won't go into tiny details here, but basically The Doctor kicks this dude out of the TARDIS because the latter was trying to wrongfully exploit a cybernetic enhancement he had put into his brain for profit. GTFO of the TARDIS, Adam. Nice seeing you. It's been real. FINALLY, there was a tangible right and wrong that this character followed.
Then I got into the show. I'm by no means a die-hard fan, but I've enjoyed most of the episodes and I'm awaiting the new season too. I'll also venture so far as to say Doctor Who has made me a slightly better and more open-minded nerd where I wasn't before. Whenever I dust off Fallout 3 and play it again, for example, I try to help some of the NPCs instead of focusing on blasting Raiders with a Mini-Nuke for the umpteenth time.
But by no means am I buying a replica Sonic Screwdriver. Ever.
My first thought? Stun gun. Some years ago someone told me about how he fended off a derelict turned would-be robber that was armed with one. So I felt my swift reaction was at the time justified: I smacked the offending object out of my assailant's hand, then shoved him into the bookshelf, sending paperbacks cascading.
It was a scared-looking teenage kid, but even after deducing he was harmless, I was a little too pissed to care at that moment. Namely, I asked him what kind of shit he was trying to pull, and how he thought he got off on sticking foreign objects into other people's faces.
"It's the Doctor's sonic screwdriver," he half-shrieked. "I was just playing around! I'm sorry!"
I had no idea who The Doctor was. Or what kind of a twisted purpose a "sonic screwdriver" served. Because THAT was my first ever experience with the Doctor Who franchise, people. Some dumbass kid walking all over a Books-A-Million and jamming his 11th Doctor's Sonic Replica into other people's faces full blast.
I made the vague threat that his sonic whatever-it-is would become a sonic suppository if he kept up his sonic shenanigans. Then I left my potential purchases, the spilled books, and the shaken kid there, fuming and livid. What kind of a show was this Doctor Who anyway? Who did these people think they were? So I started to ask around.
It wasn't long before I got a mysterious response from someone I follow on Twitter: "No answers for you. Start with the 9th Doctor. Go!" So I obliged. Why not?
My verdict at first? I hated the first few episodes I saw. The Doctor's flippant and passive attitude in the face of mortal peril was one big goofy grey area for me. Plus he wanted to negotiate peace terms with other very violent sentient life-forms. What bullshit, I first thought.
There were aliens trying to KILL this other hero alien, for crying out loud, which in my book justifies what I call the Ripley Response. I watched Aliens maybe way too much as a kid. If an ugly-looking alien screws with someone in a movie, I think they have the God-given right to shoot it, flamethrower it, or blast it out of an airlock into oblivion. Yeah!
Then this episode came along called "The Long Game". I won't go into tiny details here, but basically The Doctor kicks this dude out of the TARDIS because the latter was trying to wrongfully exploit a cybernetic enhancement he had put into his brain for profit. GTFO of the TARDIS, Adam. Nice seeing you. It's been real. FINALLY, there was a tangible right and wrong that this character followed.
Then I got into the show. I'm by no means a die-hard fan, but I've enjoyed most of the episodes and I'm awaiting the new season too. I'll also venture so far as to say Doctor Who has made me a slightly better and more open-minded nerd where I wasn't before. Whenever I dust off Fallout 3 and play it again, for example, I try to help some of the NPCs instead of focusing on blasting Raiders with a Mini-Nuke for the umpteenth time.
But by no means am I buying a replica Sonic Screwdriver. Ever.
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